


Ugly Truth

by MrsJohnReese



Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:13:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29039187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsJohnReese/pseuds/MrsJohnReese
Summary: Choosing to throw herself into her work after her husband's death, Emma Dunne quickly learns that burying her grief isn't as easy as she hoped. But as she is pushed to her breaking point by two equally unexpected bits of news, Emma also finds that help often comes from the most unlikely places, and perhaps allowing someone else to share the load is not so bad as it seems. Modern AU
Relationships: Chris Larabee/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

Sometimes, Emma reflected, as she squeezed her eyes shut in the wake of the blinding brightness of the computer screen she had been staring at for what felt like hours, working the night shift really sucked.

It wasn't that she disliked her job. In fact, the reality of the matter was that she enjoyed it far more than she had ever thought she would. But after the number of cases that had gone wrong in just one single evening, before she, or her coworkers even stood a chance at stopping it, it would have been a lie to pretend that a headache was not worming its way between her temples, and the idea of going through one more failure, and having to find the words to tell the family there was nothing more they could do yet again was tearing holes in her stomach, and twisting it in knots all at the same time.

Still, she knew she had to find some way of going on, with ten hours left in just this shift, alone, her shoulders flexing in hopes of easing some of the tension that had taken root between them while she tilted her head first to one side, and then to the next in hopes of stretching those muscles, as well. A soft sigh escaped as her spine emitted a faint pop, and Emma somehow summoned the wherewithal to open her eyes once again, one brow lifting in slight amusement as she realized someone had been leaning on the countertop behind the computer she used, watching and waiting for her to return to the present for who knew how long…

"You alright?"

"Absolutely," Emma replied, forcing a smile to her lips, despite the fact that she knew it would do little good in convincing her newfound companion that she was not trying to conceal where her wayward thoughts had gone prior to his arrival, "New case?"

"Not yet. So, you can feel free to tell me what's troubling you. I think we have some time."

"Nathan, I'm not troubled. Not really."

"Okay. So, say that again, and try looking me in the eye this time," Her companion pressed, his expression nothing short of concerned as he maneuvered his way past a nurse that had come to take a seat at the computer beside her, and came to rest in the empty seat on her other side in spite of how Emma almost instinctively seemed to fix her attention on the computer screen before her, as though she could not bring herself to look him in the eye at all, "Emma, you can talk to me. You know that."

"I do. Really, I do."

"Then why don't you?"

"Honest answer?"

"That would be preferable, yes."

"What's troubling me doesn't revolve completely around tonight's shift."

In response to Emma's declaration, she soon became aware that Nathan's expression had sobered almost immediately, her own gaze once again snapping back to the computer screen while one hand lifted almost instinctively to graze tentative fingertips against the gold band kept on a chain around her throat. She knew the gesture was a tell, of course. That as soon as Nathan's eyes tracked the movement, he would know exactly what she was thinking of now, whether she wanted him to or not. He had always been perceptive, even from the moment they met, and he hadn't known a thing about her, beyond her name. And inasmuch as she had come to adore that facet of his personality, sometimes Emma had to admit that it might have been easier on her if he was simply identical to any other fifth year resident she had worked with, only caring about his own successes and failures, rather than everyone else's as well.

"Paul?" Nathan supplied, aware of how Emma seemed to have instantaneously opted for biting her lower lip, her eyes drifting closed for only a millisecond before she was giving him a faint nod of confirmation, "You know you don't have to be the one talking to the families if it's too much, right now."

"And if I let you shield me from that, I'm doing exactly what I promised myself I would never do," Emma demurred, forcing herself to look away from the computer screen, and towards Nathan instead, while simultaneously managing a tremulous smile by way of thanks for his concern, whether she wanted to give into the relief it might have provoked, or not, "It's part of the job, Nathan."

"So is knowing when you're in over your head, emotionally, mentally, or otherwise."

"I'm not there, yet."

"Something tells me you might be close."

"I'm not. I can't be," Emma insisted, shaking her head as though the simple act would be enough to dislodge the memories that seemed to cling to her as though if they disappeared, she would no longer be the person she was at all, "I can't not have this job."

"No one's saying you won't," Nathan assured, reaching out to place a hand upon Emma's shoulder, and giving a gentle squeeze before going on, "But sometimes, taking a break is a good thing, too."

In response to the words, and even in the face of how she knew they were only meant in reassurance, Emma could do nothing but shake her head once more, the panic she felt over the thought of coming anywhere even remotely close to taking a break paralyzing her in such a way that she could scarcely breathe. She knew, somehow, that if she were left to her own devices, ambling about the apartment she had rented with nothing to take her mind off of the precise moment that had turned her life upside down, she would lose her sanity, entirely. And so, she struggled to force herself to meet Nathan's gaze once again, clearing her throat in an attempt at dislodging the lump that had formed there before she summoned the wherewithal to speak.

"I can't. Nathan, I can't."

"You wouldn't be on your own, you know," Her colleague promised, maintaining his hold on Emma's shoulder, and noting that through that touch, he could sense a minute trembling taking root in her frame as a result, "I'd come over for a visit as often as you'd like."

"You have your own life. I can't take you from that."

"You wouldn't be. I'd do it gladly, and you know it."

"I can't ask you to," Emma protested, reaching to place her hand on top of Nathan's own, and once again attempting to force herself to sound far more confident in her own state of mind than she truly felt herself to be, "You've already done so much for me, here."

"And you haven't exactly slacked off in terms of returning the favor. You're one of the best first year residents we've seen in a damn long time."

"That doesn't mean I've evened the score by any means."

"What if we agreed it wasn't about evening scores at all?" Nathan suggested, finally dropping his hand from Emma's shoulder, and fixing her with a questioning look instead, while awaiting her reply. It would have been a lie to pretend he did not know the precise thing she was attempting to avoid, and that he did not understand the exact reasons why she wanted to do so in the first place. But even with that knowledge, he would never once have tried to conceal the fact that the young woman's steadfast refusal to take a step back until she could honestly say she had done at least some healing, in the wake of what had happened, concerned him…

He hated likening her situation to patients that came in on the brink of death, or some other life-altering event, but try though he might to avoid it, it seemed there was no other way to describe it at all.

Still, his previous statement had not been an exaggeration. She truly was one of the best residents he could recall seeing in even his relatively short employment, compared to some of their other colleagues with more tenure. Quick to learn, and always eager to make any patient that came through their doors feel some semblance of ease, even in the midst of what might amount to one of the most terrifying experiences in their life, Emma had been a welcome change from some of the others in her class that seemed to see a stint in the emergency department as nothing more than a chore when they would much rather be doing anything else. And Nathan was loath to allow her to do anything that might jeopardize her career in terms of longevity, his brow furrowing a bit as he came to the realization that she had finally managed to begin a reply in the wake of his distraction in his own thoughts.

"I guess I could work with that," She began, another tentative smile tugging at her lips, before her attention, and Nathan's as well, snapped to the sudden commotion that had made itself known beyond the doors just outside the room they occupied, just as the sound of a shrill beeping had them both reaching for the pagers inside scrub pants' pockets not long thereafter.

"Looks like an MVC. Motorcycle and an SUV," Nathan informed, aware of the wince that stole over Emma's features in response to his declaration, and extending a hand to assist her from her chair, for no other reason than to grant himself the excuse of giving one final, reassuring squeeze, before they were both off at a run towards the emergency department, itself. Both of them knew the odds involved in such a crash, and the likely state of the patients they would see as a result. But regardless of those odds, it would have been a lie for either of them to pretend that they did not welcome the distraction of the work, itself.

Each of them had their own demons to face, and more often than not a busier night at the hospital gave them the respite they needed to do exactly that.

But sometimes, working the night shift?

It really did suck.

…


	2. Chapter 2

"Well we must be doing something wrong, getting to call it a night at midnight," Nathan surmised, shrugging off his white coat, and situating it on the hanger he kept in his locker in the precise manner he knew would avoid wrinkling the fabric, despite the good-natured ribbing that several of his fellow residents aimed his way every time they witnessed it first-hand, "You heading home, or going out?"

"Pretty sure I'm heading home and collapsing as soon as I get within range of my bed," Emma admitted, shutting the door to her own locker, and twisting the combination out of habit to ensure that it remained closed, "You can feel free to say it. I'm a boring old woman."

"Nah, just over-worked and over-tired like the rest of us."

"What about you? Think you'll finally get up the nerve to ask Rain for a drink?"

"Doubt it. Don't want her thinking I'm just another doctor making the rounds with the nursing staff."

"I don't think she'd see it that way."

"Only because you're cursed with unwavering optimism," Nathan teased, laughing at Emma's predictable scoff, and yet finding that he was more than a little pleased at being able to make her smile, regardless, "You know they tried to boycott working with Higgins after a while."

"Higgins is a pompous ass. You're not. And you're not going after every single nurse this hospital has on staff," Emma countered, shouldering her purse, and cocking her head to the side with an attempt at an innocent smile before going on, "You're just going after Rain."

"Anyone ever tell you that you're stubborn as hell?"

"Only just about everyone I've ever known."

"I guess it's good to see you're not easily swayed by other people's opinions."

"I'm not," The redhead confirmed, falling into step beside Nathan as he turned to head towards the door of the staff locker room, and smiling faintly once again as he used the opportunity provided by their close proximity to sling an arm around her shoulder, "But Nathan?"

"Yeah?"

"You should know it's probably not going to send the best message if you're escorting me to my car when you're really interested in another woman, entirely."

"A man can't enjoy a little contact with his friend?"

"Not when he's trying to woo someone else, no."

"Woo?" Nathan repeated, another laugh escaping at the outdated word, the sound joined by Emma's own amusement as she leaned against his side for a moment, before gently extricating herself from beneath his arm, "Keep talking like that, and I may have to take back my assurances that you aren't actually a really old woman."

"Maybe I want you to," Emma quipped, nudging at Nathan's arm as the two continued to walk side by side through the hall adjacent to the emergency department, until they were both greeted by a gust of cold air as the sliding glass doors whooshed open as soon as they drew near, "Maybe I'm all about just getting you to prove my point."

"What point is that?"

In response to the unexpected addition to their conversation, Emma turned towards the source, her eyes widening just a bit in surprise as she took in the familiar frame leaning against the brick wall just outside the hospital doors. For a moment, she could almost believe she had imagined his presence, perhaps as a result of sleep deprivation, or the simple fact that she missed the familiarity of her former life. Her life before everything had been blown apart at the seams. But the startling brilliance of the smile that was directed her way, before she found the figure moving forward and pulling her into a tight embrace was far too real to have been simply in her head…

"JD, what-what are you doing here?"

"A guy needs an excuse to visit his little sister?"

"Well, no. No, I guess he doesn't," Emma replied, pulling back, albeit more than a little reluctantly, and regarding her brother with a slightly raised eyebrow, before going on, "But usually he calls first."

"Oh, ah-is-is this a bad time?"

Realizing that JD's attention had almost automatically shifted towards where Nathan still lingered a few steps behind her, Emma shook her head, her cheeks burning a bit at the obvious misunderstanding, though she still seemed capable of forcing her attention back towards her brother while she replied.

"No. No, this is-this is Nathan, JD, we-we work together."

"Oh. Oh! Pleasure to meet you, Nathan," JD enthused, reaching forward to take Nathan's proffered hand as he moved to stand at Emma's side, and giving a firm shake before moving back a step and glancing back towards his sister as he went on, "I was gonna ask Emma to let me take her to grab a bite to eat, if you wanted to come along."

"I wouldn't want to intrude."

"You wouldn't be," Emma assured, stopping herself from reaching forward to give Nathan's arm a squeeze as tangible proof of her sincerity as she caught sight of JD's eyes still tracking the two of them as though somewhat doubtful that they were only coworkers, and nothing more, "Come with us. If I'm going to be putting off sleep for a bit longer, it really seems like I shouldn't be alone."

"Well okay then," Nathan relented, smiling broadly at the prospect of not having to return home to an empty apartment, and secretly allowing that pleasure to grow at the prospect of Emma's apparently willing decision to forgo a night of solitude, herself, in favor of giving in to her brother's apparent request, "Where are we off to?"

"I was thinking Zino's," JD suggested, watching Emma's expression carefully, and finding himself pleased to note that she did not appear to balk at the idea at all, despite the memories that the place might invoke. It would never have been a deliberate attempt to bring back things that he highly suspected she would rather forget, though he would have been lying to pretend that the instinctive mention of the bar that had been a haunt of theirs while she was still in medical school was not something he had hoped she would consent to, either way.

He had been craving their chili fries for what felt like ages, and if the expression that had taken over his sister's features were any indication, she was thinking the exact same thing.

…

"Okay. Clogged arteries aside, these are phenomenal," Nathan began, popping another chili-loaded french fry into his mouth, and leaning back in the chair he sat in across from Emma and her brother, despite the fact that both of them had shoved the basket of fries his way, in order to persuade him to finish them off, "But seriously, I eat any more, and I'm going to burst."

"Good thing I know how to treat you, if you do."

"Very funny. I'm not taking the bait."

"You sure?" Emma pushed, fiddling with the straw in her half-empty drink, and grinning openly at her friend before sharing a half-glance with her brother, and noting that he appeared to be every bit as pleased at having made another addict to their favorite junk food as she was, herself, "I think they're calling your name."

"She's right, man. You don't want to offend the french fry gods."

"The french fry gods."

"Yep," JD affirmed, pausing for just long enough to down the rest of his beer, and glancing towards Emma for only a moment before placing the now empty glass back upon the table, and leaning back himself in an effort to get more comfortable, "Crazy things happen when you get on their bad side."

"Is he being serious right now?"

"I wish I could say otherwise, but he is," Emma informed, suppressing a soft laugh at Nathan's obvious disbelief, and yet still noting that he appeared to be sharing in their amusement, whether or not he knew exactly what to make of it at the present moment, "When we were younger, our mother took us to a sister restaurant to this place that was near our house in Newport, and he was too full to finish the whole basket. The next day, he ended up with a killer case of the flu."

"From the french fry gods."

"So it would seem."

"And if I don't finish these-"

"You're toast."

"Well then, I guess the case is closed," Nathan concluded, scooting forward to reach for the last of the french fries, and favoring Emma with a curious glance before he spoke again, "Is he always this way?"

"Generally, when he wants something," Emma said, her hand pausing midway in the act of lifting her glass to her lips, and fixing JD with a suddenly skeptical glance, "You want something, don't you?"

"Well-I kind of did want to tell you something, yeah."

"And what might that be?"

"Dunne! There you are!"

Emma would have to have been blind to miss the flicker of apprehension that passed over her brother's features in response to the call, her gaze moving towards the newcomer just in time to register him scooting into the chair beside Nathan, with a bottle of beer in hand. But of course, before she could even attempt to ask him who this newcomer was, Emma found herself rendered silent, her teeth chewing at her lower lip as she shared an apprehensive glance with Nathan, before looking at the man head-on.

"So this is the sister you're always talking about," The stranger began, sending Emma a surprisingly large smile as he leaned forward with both elbows on the table, and lifted a brow as he turned towards JD instead, "Guess I can see why you're keeping her closeted away."

"I'm not keeping her closeted away, Buck-"

"Could've fooled me."

"Well, I'm-I'm not," JD pressed, the flush on his cheeks only growing as he glanced from the newcomer-Buck-to his sister, and back again, fidgeting a bit in his seat in direct proof of his uneasiness before going on, "I was actually just-just about to tell her-"

"About the new job?"

"What new job?" Emma cut in, ignoring the way that this 'Buck's' gaze kept sliding towards her in favor of turning towards JD, with an expression upon her features that was nothing short of apprehensive, "What is he talking about, JD?"

"I-remember when I told you I wanted to do more than just be a beat cop my whole life?"

"I do."

"Well I put in for an opening on one of the commissioner's new task forces, and-and I got it."

"Kid's got talent," Buck added, reaching across the table to clap JD on the shoulder, despite the fact that the younger man seemed to flinch a bit at the contact, while his attention remained fixed, albeit warily, on his sister for signs of any reaction at all to the news that had just been disclosed, "He's my partner. Learns faster than I ever did, that's for damn sure."

"Your-your partner," Emma repeated, her brow furrowing as she struggled to keep up with the information that had been laid out before her, while simultaneously attempting to stamp out the panic that seemed to clog her throat as a result, "I don't-when did you put in for the job?"

"A few weeks ago."

"And you never said anything?"

"I didn't-I wanted to find the right time," JD stammered, watching as his sister seemed to shrink back from him, and wishing with all he had that Buck hadn't chosen that precise moment to turn up at their table at all. He had known what Emma's reaction might be, no matter the enthusiasm he felt over the opportunity he had been given, on his own. And somehow, the idea of how Buck had forced his hand only made him that much more apprehensive over what Emma would do, now that she knew the truth, his eagerness to share in the excitement that he felt rather quickly fading away in the face of what sort of barrier he may have inadvertently created between them in the process.

They had been on their own for so long that even the faintest idea of something coming between them was far more daunting than he cared to admit.

"We've still got the training wheels on him, at least for now," Buck interjected, the look he shot JD as he spoke very clearly indicating he was attempting to salvage the situation, even though by the expression Emma wore, it was not doing any good at all, "But I think those'll be coming off any day now."

"Not helping, Buck."

"I think I need some air."

"Emma-"

"I need some air."

Standing from her chair, and brushing past her brother to begin threading her way through the tables that stood between her, and the door of the pub, Emma tugged a shaking hand through her hair, her breath coming in ragged gasps no matter how fiercely she attempted to stop it. It was as though she had been punched to the gut, even though no one had ever touched her at all. And as she pushed through the painted doors, and stepped out to lean against the brick wall of the exterior, it would have been a lie to pretend that she could not feel the sharp sting of the wind against the tears already starting to track their way down the skin of her cheeks.

She could not do this again...

…

"What the hell was that, Buck?"

"Just a man trying to make new friends, JD."

"Friends? Really?" The younger man pressed, dragging a hand through dark hair in a gesture so reminiscent of Emma's own act as she had pushed away from the table that Buck found himself suppressing a faint smile, "I need to-I have to go after her."

"You sure that's wise, kid?"

"I have to fix this."

"Fix what?" Buck persisted, turning to glance back towards the door through which Emma had just disappeared, and honestly finding himself perplexed at her reaction as a whole. In his experience, a man carrying a badge and a gun was generally a hit as far as the ladies were concerned, whether they were related to him or not. But obviously, as far as JD was concerned, that was not the case.

Chalk that up to yet another thing he would have to figure out about the young man as time went on.

"You don't-you don't know the history, Buck. I need to get out there."

"Maybe you should let me do that," Nathan spoke up, breaking the silence he had held for the duration of the obviously unwelcome revelation, and holding out a hand to stop JD in his tracks as he opened his mouth to protest, "I know the history a bit, myself. And if I'm right, she may not be ready to talk to you just yet."

"I'm her brother."

"I know. But before the two of you can have any sort of productive conversation at all, she's got to calm down first."

"And you think you can do that?"

"I'm pretty sure," Nathan confirmed, keeping silent at the last minute regarding the fact that he had already earned some experience doing precisely that in the wake of JD's obviously worried expression, "Let me take a shot at it. I'll grab you if I need you."

"O-okay," JD relented, reaching forward for the glass of beer that had been temporarily ignored, and downing a few gulps while Nathan pushed back from the table and headed after Emma, himself. As he watched him go, he was forced to wonder if he had made the right decision, after all, as far as the job was concerned…

His own personal desire to do more than just hand out parking tickets for the rest of his life aside, he absolutely refused to be the one to cause his younger sister any more pain.

…

"Little chilly out here," Nathan remarked, moving to stand beside his colleague as she huddled against the brick wall just outside the pub doors, and removing his jacket to hold out towards her in hopes that she would allow him to situate it around her shoulders, whether she truly thought she needed it or not, "Don't tell me I'm going to have a case of hypothermia on my hands."

"I'm-no. No, I'm fine."

"You sure? Because from where I'm standing, you're shaking like a leaf."

"I'll get used to it," Emma shrugged, accepting the jacket on instinct, and perhaps out of a small desire to avoid appearing too uncooperative with a man who was only trying to help, as well, "Thank you, Nathan."

"Any time."

"I'm-I'm sorry about all of that. Back there," The young woman went on, tugging Nathan's jacket closer around her frame, and simultaneously running a hand across exhausted features before forcing herself to meet Nathan's gaze head-on, "I know this was just supposed to be a quiet night out."

"Have I ever told you I've always found quiet nights boring?"

"You don't have to say that."

"I'm not. I mean it," Nathan assured, reaching out to place a hand on Emma's arm, and offering her a faint smile by way of encouragement before going on, "You want to talk about what happened back there?"

"Something tells me I may have to, whether I want to or not."

"I won't force you, Emma. But I think you and I both know you'd be better off if you did. Talk, I mean."

"Yeah. Yeah, I think I know that," Emma managed, leaning back against the brick wall behind her, even in spite of the fact that the uneven texture caught at her hair as a result, "I just-I can't believe JD would do something like this, in the first place."

"I think it might be because the two of you are more alike than you realize."

"What?"

"He knows you're sensitive about it. There's no doubt about that, you can see it in his face," Nathan stated, aware of the obvious skepticism that had taken over Emma's features, and yet choosing to press on, regardless, "But I think the two of you want the exact same thing, here."

"And what's that?"

"To help people. JD just seems like he's trying to do that in his own way."

"By-by putting himself at risk? That's not-that's not the same for us, you know that."

"Actually, I don't think I do. Just because you and I don't step in front of bullets every day doesn't mean we're not risking our lives."

"I'm not entirely sure I follow," Emma confessed, freeing a hand from the confines of Nathan's jacket, and forcing a stray lock of hair away from her eyes while her companion took the liberty of replying almost immediately to her apparent doubt.

"Needle sticks. Aggressive patients. More pathogens than we can count," He counted off, noting Emma's skeptically raised brow, and taking that as a positive sign that she was at least attempting to consider what he had to say, "It may not be as glamorous as all the movie fight scenes, but it's close."

"Movie fight scenes. You think that's what JD is after?"

"I think he's after doing whatever he can to make you proud, Emma. And it's killing him that what happened with Paul is getting in the way of that."

"I-I am proud of him," Emma admitted, biting into the inside of her cheek for a moment in a half-hearted attempt at stemming the flow of tears down her cheeks, and frowning almost immediately as she realized the effort had been for naught, "I am. More than I can every say, but-the idea of him doing what Paul did-"

"It terrifies you."

"It paralyzes me. I can't-he's all I have, Nathan. I can't do this without him."

"I know," Nathan acknowledged, once again reaching towards his companion, this time to take her hand before she had the opportunity to shove irritably at the persistent lock of hair that seemed determined to keep falling across her brow, "But you're wrong about one thing, Em."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"JD isn't the only one you have in your corner. You've got me, too."

Whether she could persuade herself to believe the words right now, or not, Nathan was prepared to do whatever it took to get her to take them to heart, no matter what the cost.

He knew he owed her absolutely nothing less.

…


	3. Chapter 3

"She hates me," JD groaned, resting his head in both hands, and leaning forward so that he could place his elbows on the table for better support, "I never should've told her like this."

"Not your fault she took it poorly, kid. Women are-"

"If you say 'complicated creatures', Buck, I swear to God-"

"Well fine, don't let me make ya feel better," Buck relented, holding both hands out in a gesture of surrender, and glancing towards the waitress headed their way in hopes that she would stop for only a moment to allow him to order another drink, "You want another beer?"

"Nah, Buck, I'm good."

"Suit yourself."

"I need to go after her," JD resolved, preparing to push himself away from the table, only to find himself leveling an incredulous expression Buck's way as his partner laid a restraining hand upon his arm, before turning to the waitress that had just approached to address her, instead.

"Another beer for me an' my friend, darlin'. Make sure they're nice an' cold."

"You got it, sweetie."

"I told you I didn't want another beer, Buck."

"Yeah, but from the looks of it, ya need one," The older man replied, shaking his head as he noted precisely how torn up his young partner appeared to be, and releasing a sigh through his nose before going on, "Give her time, kid. She'll come 'round."

"I'm not so sure."

"Well maybe if you told me a little about this 'history' you keep bringin' up, ole Buck could give you a pointer or two."

"S'not my story to tell," JD mumbled, once again running his fingers through somewhat tousled dark hair, and glancing towards the door to the establishment for what felt like the thousandth time, only to find that his sister, and Nathan, had still neglected to make an appearance, "I'm in Emma's bad books enough without blabberin' about it to someone she don't even know."

"Fair enough. But you're not doin' yourself, or her any favors if ya keep beatin' yourself up over it."

"Seems like I need to," JD pressed, once again dragging a hand through dark hair, and shaking his head for want of anything better to do to dispel the mounting aggravation that was making him feel as though he would break with even the slightest provocation, "She doesn't even know about the other part, yet."

"The undercover part?"

"That would be the one."

"Maybe you won't need to tell her," Buck suggested, managing what he hoped would be a charming smile for the waitress as she brought over the requested beers, and nudging one of them across the table towards his obviously distressed partner before going on, "This whole thing could be over and done with before it begins."

"And if it's not? How the hell am I supposed to explain disappearing for days on end, Buck? How do I do that?"

"She gonna check up on ya in that amount of time?"

"It's kind of what we do. Always has been," JD admitted, pausing for just long enough to take a sip of the beer he hadn't even been sure he wanted, and placing the drink back upon the surface of the table before forcing himself to elaborate, whether he truly wanted to or not, "Especially since-"

"Since what?"

Unsure of how best to reply without breaking Emma's confidence entirely, JD bit into his lower lip, the look on Buck's face hardly proving reassuring when it came to providing insight on whether or not he should say anything at all. He wanted to tell him, if he were being honest. He even thought it might make things a bit easier for all parties involved if Buck could perhaps know Emma's motivations behind opposing to this new opportunity in the first place. Maybe he could even provide reassurance. But inasmuch as he desired that outcome with every fiber of his being, JD knew that if Emma found out he had disclosed a part of her history without her consent, he would be in far more unpleasant waters than he was already.

Fortunately, JD soon found himself spared the trouble of replying at all, as Buck's attention was diverted by the sight of Nathan moving back towards their table, with Emma in tow. As he craned around to see her expression firsthand, JD was surprised to note that she looked far more relieved than he had ever dared to hope. And although some small part of him hated that he had been the one to cause her to depart in the first place, he was more than a little grateful that, in spite of the fact that he hardly knew the man, Nathan appeared to have brought her back to herself with far more ease than he believed possible.

If JD couldn't do that himself, he supposed he would be a fool to be anything other than happy that someone else might do the job for him.

…

"You uh-you want something to drink?" JD inquired, watching Emma rather carefully as she toed off her shoes in the foyer of his apartment, and tossed her purse on the table just a few steps away from the door in the process. He was still more than a little surprised that she had agreed to come home with him in the first place, given the events of the evening leading up to their arrival. And inasmuch as he was still very much reluctant to follow through on the confession he had started what felt like ages ago, now, he also knew that if he said nothing and allowed his sister to find out via other means, she would likely never forgive him at all.

No matter how uncomfortable he might be about the prospect of her reaction, even outright anger and disbelief was better than the disappointed silence that any inkling of distrust might bring…

"Actually, I think I'm good," Emma replied, effectively jolting her brother out of his anxious musings, though she did not miss the minor flinch he gave in response to her words, and narrowed her eyes as she turned to face him directly before speaking again, "But it looks like you could probably use one."

"I-what?"

"You look like you could use another drink. Several, in fact."

"Gee, thanks," JD groused, following after Emma as she padded into the den, only to regard the slight disarray there with a half-smile, and skeptically raised brow, "And before you say anything, I was going to clean that later on."

"My lips are sealed," Emma quipped, stepping around the edge of the sofa, and gingerly lifting an empty take-out bag out of the way, before taking a seat and crossing her legs beneath her while simultaneously reaching for the woven blanket that was a twin to the one in her own apartment, so that she could pull it across her lap, "This is your bachelor pad. Not mine."

"I think yours is technically a bachelorette pad, Em."

"Semantics. I was close enough."

"And there you go using fancy words on me again. Remind me never to introduce you to Ezra."

"Who's Ezra?"

"One of the-one of the guys I work with," JD began, sidestepping into the kitchen to grab a beer from the refrigerator, and then trekking back into the den to join Emma on the sofa, himself, "He's always using big words to mess with my head."

"Sounds like an interesting guy."

"You have no idea."

"And the others? What are they like?" Emma asked, aware of the obvious tremor in her voice, and yet finding herself rather more than a little grateful that if JD noticed, he did not say anything on the matter, himself, his enthusiasm overriding any reluctance he may have had about discussing work with her in the first place in such a way that she was almost tempted to feel some of it, herself.

"Great. They're-they're great. You already know Buck, of course. He's probably the best partner I've ever had. And Vin and Josiah are pretty great, too. Vin's a bit quiet at first, but don't get him started on sniper rifles. You'll be there for days."

"It sounds like you really like these guys."

"I'd be kind of crazy not to," JD agreed, nodding as though to give extra weight to his words, and waiting for only a moment before deciding that full disclosure was probably his best option, going forward, "I think you'd really like them, Emma."

"I'll take your word for it."

"Actually, maybe-maybe you really should meet them. It might help."

"It might help with what?" Emma questioned, fisting her hands in the fabric of the blanket on her lap in hopes that it would give her leave to ignore the sudden trembling she could feel in response to her growing apprehension. She hated feeling this way, overwhelmed with dread at the prospect of JD's new job, instead of simply being able to share in his excitement with him like she might have done in the past. Before, the two of them had always been able to share new developments in their lives rather freely, without risk of provoking undue worry or even outright fear. But as much as Emma wished she could simply turn off the part of her mind that seemed to insist upon dwelling on the worst case scenario, it appeared that she was completely incapable of succeeding, her teeth digging into her lower lip as she forced herself to look her brother in the eye, even in spite of the renewed dread that his wary expression provoked as soon as she did.

"It might help with making you feel a bit better about me taking this job. Especially since-"

"Especially since what?"

"Since I'm kind of diving in head-first with an undercover thing in a few days."

"I-undercover? You said-Buck said you would still be stuck with training wheels for a bit longer."

"That's because he doesn't know about this yet, either," JD explained, scooting forward just a bit on the sofa to get closer to his sister, and suppressing his relief that she did not immediately pull away in response, "It kind of all came to a head before I left for the day."

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Yes. Why? Why you?" Emma demanded, pulling her hand away as JD made a grab for it, and dragging her fingers through her hair as panic clawed its way through her chest, "You're-"

"I'm what?"

"New."

Trying his best to ignore how the word came out as something not all that far from a curse, JD forced himself to remain steady, his attention never once wavering from Emma's face, despite how she now seemed to be completely incapable of looking him in the eye. He could only imagine what this was doing to her, of course, knowing full-well that his confession was likely to be bringing back far more memories than she was truly equipped to deal with at the present time. But, now that the metaphorical cat was out of the bag, he supposed, it would be better to simply get all of the details out in the open before he lost the chance for good.

"It was supposed to be Ezra. He's the one usually assigned to this sort of work, but when we brought one of the suspects we've been after in for questioning, he kind of-imprinted on me."

"Imprinted? JD what does that even mean?"

"It was Ezra's word. Not mine," JD said, noting that the explanation had hardly made a dent in Emma's skeptical expression, and suppressing a sigh of what might have amounted to exasperation before going on, "Anyway, apparently he trusts me, and we thought-"

"You thought that meant you would be the perfect choice for the job."

"It makes sense, Em. He can get me in there, and we can take them down from the inside, out."

"What if your cover's blown?"

"It won't be."

"You don't know that. You don't," Emma insisted, flinching away from the pity that had become so apparent in JD's gaze, as though it were a physical being that could cause her actual pain, "Paul said the exact same thing, and then he was just-gone."

"I'm not going anywhere, Em."

"Is this the only reason you told me about the job in the first place? Because you're infiltrating some criminal enterprise on your own?"

"I was-I was going to tell you. I was. But I was trying to find the right way to go about doing that, and then Buck kind of blew it right outta the water, and-"

"And now, here we are."

"Here we are," JD repeated, frowning as he watched his sister's shoulders slump in defeat, her frame shifting until her legs were drawn up against her chest, while her arms looped around her knees as though she was suddenly possessed with a need to make herself as small as humanly possible. He hated being the one to make her that way. Being the reason that the pain she had tried so valiantly to shut down after losing her husband had returned to her eyes, whether she wanted it to or not. And although he had every reason to believe that any reassurance he might try to give her would be only too likely to fall on deaf ears, JD persisted, regardless, his hand reaching out to latch onto Emma's before she had the chance to pull away as he spoke once again.

"I can do this, Em. And these guys on my team, they're-they're the best. I'm not going into this alone."

"You'd better be right about that."

"I am. I know I am. Maybe if you just, you know-drop by the precinct to meet them yourself, you'll see what I mean firsthand."

"I can't-JD, I don't think that's a good idea," Emma demurred, fixing her gaze upon the strength that was so inherent in the way her brother's hand held tightly to her own as she tried and failed to ignore how the mere thought of setting foot in a police precinct had set her heart to pounding erratically against her ribcage as though she were a criminal herself, with reason to fear ending up in a cell if the wrong person learned of her presence there. She was being stupid. Childish, even, allowing one of the worst moments of her life to turn into a fear that all but paralyzed her, when so many others would likely have managed to move on. But no matter how fervently she tried to persuade herself that JD was probably, in all likelihood, on the right track as far as his thought that meeting his teammates for herself would go a long way in reassuring her that he was in good hands, she could not face the idea of actually following through, her tongue darting out of her mouth to wet her lips before she forced herself to exhale and meet her brother's gaze head-on once more.

"I'm sorry. Really, I am, I just-I can't."

"I get it, Em. I do," JD assured, squeezing Emma's hand, and releasing his hold not that long thereafter, knowing that if he crowded her in any way, she would only feel that much more inclined to withdraw even further than she already had, "And I promise you, nothing is gonna happen to me. I've got this."

"You'd better be right about that. Because if you gave up your chance at going to college, yourself, so that I could go instead, and then it gets you killed-"

"It won't. I promise you, it won't. I'm tougher than you think, you know."

"And that is precisely what worries me," Emma confessed, adjusting the blanket so that it rested more securely around her frame, and watching JD carefully as he leaned over to reach for his beer so that he could down a few gulps as though he needed the fortification almost as much as she did, herself, "Mom always said you were better at acting first, and asking questions later."

"Which is why I know I'm lucky to have you around to do all my thinking for me," JD returned, the faintest hints of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he registered the slight shake to Emma's shoulders that indicated she had seen past her fear to his obvious attempt at humor, and responded in kind, "What was it Mom said? You were an old soul?"

"Yeah, well, this 'old soul' might still have some fight left in her, so you'd better watch it."

"Ooh. I'm trembling in my boots."

"You should be. I may not be the one carrying a gun, but I can still do some damage," Emma teased, hoping with all she had that her brother would accept her attempt at lightening the mood as a means of making amends for her less than eager reaction to something he clearly seemed to care a great deal about. She could get used to the idea of him changing jobs. She had to, because he had always been on board with every single one of her decisions without second thought. After such an unfailing show of support, Emma knew she owed it to him to attempt to give him the same, in return. And she would have to put her trust in complete strangers when it came to keeping him safe, and returning him home…

Anything less was simply out of the question.

…


	4. Chapter 4

The following morning, Emma found herself standing beside her brother's open refrigerator door, her nose wrinkling on instinct as she regarded the contents inside in an attempt to find something suitable to make for the two of them for breakfast, only to find that contemplation of any of the available options caused her stomach to turn in such a way that she had already bolted to the bathroom for a false alarm twice. It was unusual, of course, when she had never had a significant history of a tender stomach in the past, and it was not as though JD kept a myriad of expired foods on hand to where the smell alone could evoke such a reaction in and of itself. But before she could spend too long contemplating exactly what it was that would cause her to react in such a way, she found herself distracted by the sound of her brother's familiar footsteps moving into the kitchen behind her, the predictable clink of a coffee mug being withdrawn from the cupboard nearby causing her to glance in that direction just as JD opted for addressing her himself around a sizeable yawn.

"Morning, Em."

"Good morning to you too."

"You makin' breakfast?"

"I suppose I could," Emma shrugged, swallowing past the lingering nausea that seemed determined to take up the majority of her attention, and turning back towards the refrigerator to fish out the carton of eggs, and the packet of bacon as well in hopes that JD would not notice if she appeared a bit green around the gills, "Eggs and bacon okay?"

"Do ya really have to ask?"

"No, I guess I really don't."

"Good. I'd hate to think I needed to start questioning your sanity," JD teased, the corners of his mouth twitching in response to Emma's almost too predictable scoff, "Course you keep puttin' up with me, and I may need to do that anyway."

"Last I checked I thought I was kind of stuck with you," Emma said, placing the eggs and bacon on the counter beside the stove, and turning towards a nearby cupboard to fish out a frying pan not long thereafter, "Think you can handle the bacon if I take care of the eggs?"

"I guess I can manage that."

"Thank you."

"Any time," JD assured, stooping to pull the skillet out of the cupboard beneath the stove, and stepping around his sister's slight frame to reach for the packet of bacon while she started working on the eggs. Unbidden, the memory of the two of them sequestered in the kitchen of their old home back east came to mind, huddling around their mother to watch as she did her best to teach them everything she knew. It had always been a favorite pastime of his, and Emma's as well, simply watching their mother throw together whatever leftovers they had to their name, and turn them into a surprisingly generous meal. And as though she had sensed the direction his thoughts had taken, JD found that it was not long at all before Emma was turning to glance his way while she poured the first of the eggs she had beaten together into the frying pan, a small smile pulling at her lips before she spoke.

"You're thinking of Mom, aren't you?"

"Hard not to, sometimes, especially when the kitchen's involved."

"I know the feeling," Emma confessed, returning her attention to the eggs to ensure they would not start to stick to the pan, and finding that whatever upheaval had taken hold of her stomach appeared to have momentarily gone away in the wake of the current topic of conversation, "You remember when she started getting obsessed with making the perfect quiche?"

"Do I ever. Felt like we were stuck in the kitchen for days while she tried to figure it out."

"At least the better half of summer vacation."

"And when she fell asleep while one of the darned things was still in the oven?" JD added, a soft laugh escaping in response to the memory of coming home from his cashiering job at the local grocery store, only to find his mother and sister flapping towels around the kitchen in an effort to dispel the smoke billowing from the oven in their tiny apartment, "Thought the whole fire department was gonna have to come out."

"They almost had to. Mom was so embarrassed, especially when Mrs. Newcome found out."

"Meanest landlady we ever had."

"You've got that right," Emma agreed, shaking her head as she recalled the stern old woman who ran her tenants' lives like a well-oiled machine, "Thought you and I were nothing but good-for-nothing hooligans."

"Well it turned out to be true, for one of us, at least."

"Oh? Which one of us do you think fits the bill?"

"Why do I get the feeling this is a trick question?" JD replied, his eyes tracking Emma's movements as she padded back over to the refrigerator, in order to withdraw a block of cheese and some onion to cut up and throw in the eggs once they were fully cooked. Instinct prompted him to move towards the spice drawer while she was otherwise occupied finding the cutting board and a suitable knife, his fingers curling around the bottle of chili powder so that he could hand it her way as she passed back to the stove.

Their mother had always favored a bit of spice added in with an omelette, and if the soft sigh Emma gave in response to the appearance of the bottle were any indication, she had remembered that penchant at precisely the same moment JD had, himself.

"You looking to burn a hole in your stomach, JD?" She inquired, placing the bottle of chili powder on the counter beside the stove, and quirking a brow at JD's wide grin that he opted to give her in response, "One of these days, all this is going to catch up to you, you know."

"Well then it's a good thing we've got a doctor in the family, isn't it?"

"I want to go into pediatrics, eventually, not gastroenterology."

"There's always time for a switch."

"Yeah. I don't think so."

"You'd be surprised," JD pressed, sidling around to the other side of the stove just in time to watch Emma roll her eyes, her attention on the task of cutting up the onion she had selected while her teeth dug into her lower lip, "Want me to take care of that?"

"Why?"

"Onions always make ya cry. I'm not as susceptible."

"Only if you want to," Emma relented, stepping away from the cutting board, and passing JD the knife while she took over the task of nudging at the bacon where it was starting to bubble in the skillet he had so recently abandoned, "But I wasn't crying yet."

"You had that look on your face, sis. Only a matter of time."

"I still don't know how you can stand the smell when you're cutting them."

"Probably 'cause Mom always made me do it once she realized she could trust me to hold a knife without hurtin' myself."

"That was not one of her wiser decisions."

"Speak for yourself. I'm pretty good with 'em now," JD disagreed, making short work of cutting the onion, and dumping the pieces into the frying pan with the eggs before turning his attention to the cheese, instead, "Even managed to beat Ezra once."

"In an onion cutting contest?"

"Knife-throwin', Emma. Not much call for cuttin' onions in my line of work."

"Right. How foolish of me," Emma deadpanned, suppressing a smile as JD responded to her attempt at teasing with an all too predictable scowl, though the expression had next to no true malice behind it at all, "Here I thought you and your team apprehended criminals by compromising their visual acuity with the smell of a particularly rank onion."

"Well, I suppose it's good to know if you ever decide a medical career isn't the right fit, you can always try for stand-up comedy."

"Try for? I think you mean succeed at."

"No. No, I think I mean try for," JD laughed, dodging his sister's retaliatory swat at his bicep, and stumbling a bit in his subsequent attempt to remain upright, "Hey! No foolin' around when a man's holdin' a knife!"

"Put it down then, and we'll see what you're made of."

Grinning at the startling familiarity of the taunt, JD twisted the dial of the burner off so that the eggs would not burn, he waited until Emma had done the same with the bacon before reaching towards the towel hanging from one of the cupboard doors. It would have been a lie to pretend he was not surprised at this sudden playfulness that appeared to have manifested itself in Emma's demeanor, particularly as the evening before, she had been anything but. And although some small part of him wondered how long this lighter mood might last, JD knew he would do better if he did not question it at all, his eyes widening in shock as he realized Emma had neglected to reach for a towel of her own, in favor of extending a hand towards the nozzle of the small sprayer hooked up to his kitchen sink while the other flipped the water on in the same motion.

Though he would never complain about it in a million years, it appeared that JD just might be out of his depth…

…

"You're looking better this morning," Nathan remarked, watching as Emma stowed her pager in her pocket, and looped her stethoscope around her neck not that long thereafter, "Have a good rest of your night?"

"You could say that," Emma confirmed, stepping aside to allow a nurse to pass through with a patient on the way to radiology before going on, "JD told me a bit more about this new job of his."

"Good things?"

"He's um-he's going undercover."

"You're kidding."

"I really wish I was. But no. He said it could happen any day now."

"And how are you doing with all of that?" Nathan asked, concern apparent in his tone as he watched Emma carefully, and noted she had almost immediately averted her gaze to the task of picking at a stray thread hanging from the hem of her sleeve, "Emma?"

"I really don't know, Nathan. But there's nothing I can really do about it, so-"

"So you've decided to accept it."

"I don't really have that much of a choice," Emma shrugged, dropping her hands back to her sides once again, and noting that Nathan's expression was nothing short of doubtful before going on, "And I'm not going to stay mad at him for something he's wanted since the time he could walk. I can't."

"Makes sense. I have to admit it's been a while since I've seen a pair of siblings as close as the two of you."

"We kind of always have been."

"A package deal," Nathan surmised, secretly pleased with the almost immediate smile his comment brought to Emma's features, though he did what he could to avoid letting that show out of concern it might force her to shy away from that sort of response whether she truly wanted to or not, "I guess I'll take those odds."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean if being your friend makes me JD's too, I'll accept. I kind of like the kid, anyway."

"You might come to regret that, you know," Emma cautioned, smiling almost in spite of herself in response to the warmth that greeted her in the wake of Nathan's assertion, and reaching over to place a hand upon her companion's forearm to deliver a slight squeeze before going on, "We've been known to drive people insane, on occasion."

"I guess that means I'll just have to take my chances," Nathan began, aware of Emma's slightly raised brow, and managing a shrug that he hoped would show he had little to no concern over her suggestion becoming a reality, whether she agreed with him or not, "Seems to me the two of you might need someone with a level head on their shoulders around to keep them out of trouble."

Though he never said it out loud, Nathan knew full well that the genuine laugh that Emma allowed to escape after his attempt at a joke was worth more than almost anything else when it came to giving proof that she recognized his words as precisely what they were.

A promise that he would have her back, and her brother's, if need be, no matter what.

…

"You ready for this, kid?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" JD demanded, rankling beneath what felt like the hundredth time Buck had asked him the same exact question, despite the fact that he knew, on some level, that his partner was only expressing concern in the best way he knew how, "I've told you at least twenty times, Buck, I've got this."

"Lettin' yourself get all hot an' bothered when a man is just tryin' to express his concern kind of tells me otherwise," Buck disagreed, flicking the brim of JD's ball cap, and chuckling a bit as the younger man swatted at his hand before righting the cap in rapid succession, "Just tellin' truths, JD. That's all."

"Well maybe you can keep one or two of those truths to yourself. I'm gonna be fine."

"I'm sure you will be. Just so long as you listen to Chris, and don't go gettin' ahead of yourself tryin' to make a friend."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" JD demanded, wrenching away from the hand Buck had extended to place upon his shoulder, and regarding his partner with a look that all but dared him to give an honest answer, "Don't see why I need a babysitter for this job, anyway."

"Don't let Chris hear ya say that. He's only goin' in there to keep ya safe."

"I can do that well enough by myself."

"You ever think that this is his way of givin' you a chance to prove ya can do just that?" Buck pressed, recognizing the younger man's enthusiasm as not all that dissimilar from his own when he first joined on, and hoping to curb it just a little bit since he knew very well what could happen if JD went in half-cocked, thinking he could get through any situation on bravado alone, "That maybe Chris is just there as backup in case you run into trouble ya can't get yourself out of?"

"I'm not gonna run into any trouble."

"Yeah, well, what if ya do? Got a plan for that?"

Frowning as he realized the only answer he could give off the top of his head was a no, whether he truly wished to admit to such a thing or not, JD opted for a simple shake of the head, his cheeks warming as he watched Buck's expression turn into a knowing look as he reached forward to attempt clasping his younger companion on the shoulder once again. As soon as he noted that this time, JD did not appear as inclined to pull away, Buck managed a short nod, his hand dropping back to his side before he was clearing his throat and taking the ensuing silence as leave to speak, himself.

"Always have a plan, JD. Even if it's just half of one, it's better than nothin'. Nothin' can get ya killed."

"You ready, JD?"

Turning to greet the source of the sudden intrusion in their conversation, JD managed an eager nod, another swat aimed at Buck's midsection serving as the only acknowledgement he gave of the fact that the older man had once again reached over to flick at his hat, as he settled instead upon closing the distance between himself and the new arrival, his excitement to get started causing his voice to crack, a wince passing across his features as he noted the other man's slightly raised brow in response.

"Been ready, Chris. Let's get goin'."

"Think you need to go see Josiah first. Make sure your wire's all set."

"Alright then," JD agreed, all of the bluster he had shown Buck suddenly gone as he spared a faint nod for the man who would be joining him in the current venture, before moving past Chris and heading towards the doorway opposite where he remained with Buck to head off in search of Josiah, as instructed. Where he knew he could get away with questioning his partner from time to time, and escape the affair relatively unscathed, the idea of going up against Chris Larabee was another story, entirely…

Even with the small bit of time on the job with this new team that he had under his belt, JD knew that the man in charge of their team was hardly someone to be taken lightly.

…


	5. Chapter 5

A day off. That was what Emma faced when she opened her eyes, her body turning instinctively to the left while a hand extended across the mattress, despite that small voice at the back of her mind that chastised her for doing so when she knew her fingers would be brushing against nothing at all. Where before, the idea of twenty-four hours to herself would have been delightful, now, it had caused her to frown, her fingers curling in the fabric of the empty sheets beside her while her eyes squeezed shut almost of their own accord. She had always reveled in the idea of a bit of solitude while Paul was still working, using the time to tidy up around the house, or to concoct a particularly elaborate recipe for their dinner. But now?

Now, a part of her almost wished she could simply go back to sleep, until the following morning came, and she would need to prepare for work once more.

Knowing that she could do no such thing, however, Emma emitted a soft groan as she forced her eyes open, and sat up to throw the covers off, in order to swing her legs over the edge of the bed, her toes curling into the carpeting for only a moment before she moved to stand. Instinct propelled her movements more than actual conscious thought, as she padded out to the kitchen in her tiny apartment, and set about the task of preparing some coffee. She did not bother to glance at the calendar, tacked up on the wall beside the refrigerator, knowing that if she did, she would only be confronted with still further proof of exactly how empty the day ahead was likely to be…

Maybe she ought to have taken JD up on his offer, after all, and stayed at his place for just a little bit more.

Shaking herself before the thought could fully take hold, however, Emma forced herself to remember that, had she stayed with JD, she would likely have been every bit as alone as she was right now. He was busy working too, after all. Working undercover. Just exactly as Paul had been, before he-

No. She did not dare spend too much time thinking about that.

Nothing would be a surer way to ruin her day.

It took a moment to force her thoughts towards other things, but Emma persevered, anyway, her hands lingering on the countertop for a while after she had plugged in the coffee maker, and started the brewing process, her eyes closing in response to the almost therapeutic scent that reached her not long after. It was so remarkably simple to allow the smell to ground her. To settle the thoughts that had started to clamor around in her mind before they could become too unruly to survive. And so, in hopes that continuing about the day's ordinary progression of events would only aid her in that endeavor, Emma forced herself to turn from the brewing coffee and head back towards her bedroom, instead, for the purpose of selecting a new pair of clothes, and hopping in the shower to start the day as properly as she could.

As properly as she could, ever since the day she had been forced to start doing such things on her own. Emma had married Paul relatively quickly, before even managing to secure a place of her own, since the cost of medical school, both financial and otherwise, made it far more prudent to simply live with her brother after their mother had died. She had never really experienced true solitude. Not completely, even with the somewhat opposing schedules she had known when it compared with her husband's. And in spite of the fact that she could still recall several of her friends warning her that not having these supposedly precious moments to herself before committing to a lifetime with another person might be more detrimental than she wished, Emma knew, now, that they had been entirely wrong.

What was far worse than losing one's solitude was being thrown into it when the prospect of having nothing but your own thoughts for company was entirely too terrifying to bear.

…...

Some time later that afternoon, after doing nearly everything she could think of around the apartment to occupy her mind, Emma found herself in the cereal aisle of the local grocery store, her fingertips grazing over the edges of the boxes without her full comprehension of what was on the labels before her eyes. She was stalling, of course. Even with as fiercely as her mind shied away from the truth of the statement, Emma could recognize her behavior for what it was. But it was not until a voice reached her ears, familiar even in spite of the length of time it had been since she heard it last, that she turned from her apparent fascination with whole-grain cereals, her teeth digging into her lower lip for only a moment to bely her apprehension before she was forcing a smile to her lips, and looking the woman who had jolted her from her thoughts so abruptly in the eye.

"Emma! I was starting to wonder if you'd disappeared altogether!"

"No, I-I've just been busy with work."

"Why does that not surprise me?" The other woman remarked, a faint smile tempering the potential judgment behind the words as she approached, one hand lifting to toss her blonde braid over her shoulder while the other steered the cart to a stop, and the toddler in the front seat squawked a bit in protest, "You never did learn how to take a break."

"I guess I didn't."

"Of course, all of that seems to be paying off. With your job and all."

"It seems to be," Emma confirmed, her gaze slipping to the small boy who seemed to be regarding her presence with a great deal of curiosity, wide green eyes absolutely fixed upon her face, "Ben's-he's getting big."

"He misses his Auntie Em. For that matter, so do I."

"I know, Serena. It's just-it's been so busy-"

"Well maybe we should arrange something," Serena pressed, a tanned arm extending so that she could reach for Emma's hand and give it a small squeeze, before she was withdrawing to her own well-manicured bubble, as though she had never once breached its barrier at all, "I know Doug would love to cook for us. We could make a real night of it."

"Maybe we should."

"It's just that we haven't seen you since Paul-"

As soon as the name had been spoken, Serena froze, mid-sentence, her green eyes that so vividly matched her son's suddenly wary as she watched Emma as though she highly suspected she would crumple to the ground on the spot. For a moment, of course, Emma wanted to, the pity that had taken over her companion's features like a punch to the gut, knocking the wind from her lungs and nearly making her double over from the force of it. But somehow, even in the face of that temptation, she resisted, a breath passing in, and out of her lungs before she forced herself to break the uneasy silence before Serena could do the same.

"I know. But like I said-"

"You've been busy."

"I'll call you," Emma amended, hoping that the offer would sound sincere, despite the fact that she truly had no intention of following through on her promise at all. Perhaps she was a coward for keeping herself at arm's length from the rest of the couples she had known from a life that seemed so far away, now, that she could hardly even recall what it felt like at all. But no matter how many times she had attempted to convince herself to try accepting the offers that came from old friends, Emma had remained incapable.

Somehow, the idea of being a third wheel, whether or not the couples in question would truly have made her feel that way, was far more terrifying than the idea of remaining alone.

"You'd better," Serena replied, once again jolting Emma out of her own internal musings, her smile slightly less open than it had been before as she ran a hand across her son's dark hair, as though suddenly fearful that overstaying her welcome might negatively impact him in any way at all, "I'm going to hold you to that. Drinks, maybe. More than a few."

"Sounds good to me."

Satisfied that she had succeeded in obtaining what she so clearly believed to be an agreement to her proposition, Serena seemed to decide that she ought to be taking her leave, another smile passing across her lips as she steered her cart towards the opposite end of the aisle, leaving Emma alone with the cereal once more. It would have been a lie to pretend she was not relieved, her shoulders sagging a bit from the effort of holding them straight as though it had been the most taxing thing in the world. And although she still hoped to put off her return to the apartment for as long as she could, Emma forced herself to move on from her dazed investigation of the cereal on the shelf to her right, her steps carrying her towards the frozen foods aisle instead.

After an encounter like that, she supposed a small splurge on frozen pizza just might be well deserved…

…

Sitting in a rather dilapidated old armchair, JD risked a glance towards the makeshift bar where he knew he would find Chris, still engrossed in a conversation with the man who was at the crux of everything they were hoping to unravel. They had been at the compound for a few hours already, the interior slightly more welcoming than the rough outer appearance of the old abandoned warehouse had seemed when they had first arrived. Though he was doing what he could to avoid letting it show, JD was more than a little anxious to be so far from almost any other signs of civilisation, particularly with the risk of things somehow going south never far from the back of his mind. But Chris, in contrast, appeared perfectly at ease, leaning against the edge of the bar with Marco, trading sparse bits of conversation around shots of whiskey, and so JD simply resolved to attempt emulating the older man as best he could, his gaze turning back to the younger man that had dragged him into this predicament to begin with as he attempted to start a conversation of his own.

"Is this what you guys do every night? Hang around, waitin' for somethin' to pop off?"

"Most days," Elijah confirmed, leaning forward from the threadbare sofa cushion he sat upon, and digging his fingers into the bowl of generic potato chips on the battered old table in the same motion, "You're the one that turned down a game on the Playstation."

"Never been much good at 'em," JD confessed, shifting in the chair, and holding back a wince as the act caused a broken spring beneath the fabric to poke him in the rear end as a result, "How likely is it?"

"How likely is what?"

"That something will pop off?"

"Depends on Marco's mood. He seems pretty happy right now," Elijah shrugged, the hand that was not still holding the chips he had selected dragging through shoulder length dark hair as he leaned back and propped both legs on the table beside the bowl, "That could change in seconds, though."

"He always been volatile?"

"Depends. Don't know volatile means."

Cringing a bit at the belated realization that he would have to keep his vocabulary more in line with the part he was attempting to play, JD made a mental note to chastise Ezra for teaching him such words, before clearing his throat and attempting to explain. Elijah seemed to trust him. Even with this recent faux pas, he merely seemed curious, instead of suspicious, or on his guard. And so, JD forced his expression into what he hoped would be a neutral glance, his tongue darting out to wet his lips for a moment before he spoke.

"Unpredictable. Easy to set off."

"Oh. Yeah, I guess maybe he is. 'Specially with new guys hangin' around."

"Well he don't need to worry about us."

"I think he knows that. Seems to like your friend well enough, anyway," Elijah said, allowing his own gaze to stray towards the bar, before his eyes ventured back towards JD as he went on, "What'd you say his name was, again?"

"Vic. Vic Donovan."

"Seems to fit him."

"Why's that?"

"Because tall, dark, and sinister over there seems like a pretty badass guy, that's why."

Unable to resist the laugh that broke free over how Elijah's words had struck far closer to home than he could ever have fully realized, JD shook his head and leaned forward to reach for the bowl of chips himself, his smile faltering just a bit as the movement brought a resounding creak from his chair's protesting frame. Briefly, he noted Chris turning to glance towards him, his expression unreadable, beyond the singular quirked brow. But before JD could even think to manage a shrug, or shake of the head to inform his partner that nothing was amiss, Marco was saying something that regained Chris' undivided attention, the gang-leader's head swiveling towards the door of the warehouse's main room as it ground open on protesting hinges, and three men stepped inside.

"Billy! Where the hell have you been, man?" Marco demanded, his boots creating an audible thump on the floor as he stood from his chair, and moved to meet the tallest of the three new arrivals half-way, "Been waitin' over an hour and ya didn't even bother to call."

"Sorry, boss. Got held up when Jimbo, here, forgot to turn his phone off and it nearly got us caught."

"Thought you said he knew better."

"Thought he did," The other man identified as Billy quipped, one shoulder lifting in a shrug while his two companions drew up at his sides, "Who're the newbies?"

"Friends. They're going to help us expand our business past the usual constraints."

"We can trust 'em?"

"I don't think I need your input either way," Marco retorted, his stance shifting until his feet rested shoulder-length apart, while one brow quirked at his counterpart in open disdain, "Seeing as your judgment is already so-suspect."

"Aw c'mon, Marco, it ain't like that," Billy protested, his expression unmoving even in spite of the sudden waver anxiety brought to his tone, "Just a simple mistake is all. He'll learn for next time."

"You know that's not how I roll, Billy. Take him outside."

"Boss-"

"Outside," Marco repeated, one hand reaching behind his back, and withdrawing a concealed weapon out from its place concealed beneath the hem of his jeans, and the jacket he wore over broad shoulders, "You know what to do."

"All this really necessary?"

JD did not miss the almost grateful expression that passed across Billy's features in response to Chris' apparent decision to intervene, though it was relatively short-lived in the wake of Marco's almost imperceptible shake of the head. The inquiry had been made casually, the tone Chris used sounding almost bored, as though all of this were a show he would rather simply avoid, as opposed to the attempt to save the young man standing before them from the obvious fate intended by the cold glint of the fluorescent lighting upon the barrel of the gun. But despite the good intentions JD could sense, even if the rest of their companions did not, Marco seemed to be set in his course, his expression turning dangerous as Billy continued to hesitate to take the proffered weapon in hand.

"You want to join him? The choice is yours."

Swallowing stiffly, Billy finally shook his head and reached for the gun, himself, his free hand latching onto his intended victim's arm before the other man had a chance to pull away. Turning on a heel, he, and his other companion began shoving the young man towards the doorway once more, Marco a silent, hulking presence at their backs while JD sensed Elijah moving to stand as well. In response to the curious glance he sent towards him, Elijah gestured for JD to follow along at his side, their steps slow enough as they fell in behind Chris as he moved after Marco that the other man could answer the unspoken question passed between them.

"Marco'll want everyone to watch. It's a reminder."

"A reminder of what?" JD scoffed, his stomach turning at the thought of what he was likely going to be forced to watch, while he shoved his hands into his jeans pockets in hopes that if they did start to tremble, no one would notice a thing. It was painfully obvious, walking behind Chris, that he was hardly pleased with this development as well, the hard set of his shoulders straining the fabric of his dark shirt while a quick glance down showed hands that had been curled into fists. But before he could spend too much time contemplating that very fact, JD found his attention snapping back towards Elijah, his mouth thinning into a line as he realized the implications behind his companion's reply.

"What happens to anyone that pisses him off. And this? This is nothin' compared to what he does if he thinks someone is actually a rat."

Though he did what he could to avoid allowing his reaction to the words to become clear in his expression, JD would have been a liar to pretend that the threat escaped him entirely…

Not for the first time, he got the feeling that he may just be in over his head.

…


End file.
